Connecting with Your Kids

Sometimes it can feel impossible to get your kids to open up. That’s normal!  Parents often want to know how to connect with their kids outside of the counseling room. Here are some tools you can utilize at home when you want to communicate with your kiddos.

Speak Their Language

Play is how children communicate. Kids often need distractions when talking about big feelings. If they are avoiding eye contact (especially if they have ADHD), they might not be ignoring you. This could be a sign of processing what they are feeling and thinking. Doing side by side activities like coloring, playing with dolls or building blocks, or UNO can help them engage with you and share their inner world. They usually talk to themselves naturally during play. If you are fully engaged with them in the play, odds are they will include you in the conversation.

Create a Safe Space

When children communicate, it can take a while for the thought to form. It is important to be patient and let them have time to process. Summarize what you heard back to them to let them know you heard them. This is called paraphrasing. You can also offer breaks if they begin to show signs of overstimulation such as whining, tantrum-ing, crying, or stomping.  It is just as important for you to feel safe communicating as it is for your child. If you start to feel overstimulated or upset, walk away if possible or take some deep breaths. This models healthy coping skills for your child.

Talk About Feelings

To help your child identify emotions, make sure they know their feeling words. You can play fun games like feelings charades to help them learn. Help your kids identify their emotions in the moment by offering a feelings chart and letting them point to how they feel. After doing so, praise them for identifying the feeling and ask what is causing them to feel that way. Next, validate their feelings by saying something like “I can see why that made you feel sad” or “That sounds rough!” You can then help them identify what coping skills they can use or if they need your help to move forward, i.e., a hug, talking with a teacher on their behalf, etc.

Ask us if you want any more specific information or resources about how to do these things!

Toward wholeness,

Abby Fowler